Reminiscences 17

The Power of Forgiveness

As they left the church building, Ben noticed that at the top of the stairs that lead out from the church, a book table had been set up. Glancing as he passed, Ben observed all sorts of titles on offer, each of which with sombre, but decorative patterns on the front cover and different black and white photos, many of which seemed to be depicting ‘Sfântul Nectarie’ or other such holy people. There were also books with various different drawings, depicting saints or holy scenes.

Everything was in Romanian, but Ben nevertheless felt drawn to have a punt and after a brief perusal he picked up a book entitled, 'Faptele Duhovnicesc ale Sfântului Nectarie' with a nice black and white picture, which presumably represented the man who was now just a fingernail! The book had a label with 5 RON written on it stuck to the front cover, so Ben happily obliged, handing the money over to the lady selling the books, just as Ovidiu approached, agitated and urging Ben to get a move on. Kind of ironic felt Ben, seeing as it was he who had initially had to wait for Ovidiu and that it had been Ovidiu’s idea to make this diversion into the world of saints. Anyway, Ben shrugged off this slight injustice, accepting that he himself also wasn’t perfect, and he was any way in a vulnerable situation, dependant on Ovidiu’s guidance to get him to the right church.

They left the church courtyard at a brisk pace, weaving their way through the crowd that was slowly building up to see what must have been one of the most famous fingernails around. They headed onward up the street. Ben was struggling to keep up with Ovidiu and as they went he started to not feel very well. At first, an uncomfortable pain rose in his stomach. He fought to suppress it, but it was difficult. He managed to keep going a number of steps but then combined with these pains, his head started to hurt. This was capped by his vision beginning to go blurry. He started to lose sight of everything around him and so needed to break his fast-paced walk. He attempted to stumble on a few paces, but the sense of nausea became overwhelming, combined with a partial loss of consciousness, meaning that he had no choice but to come to an abrupt halt and fall to his knees.

Rather than collapse completely on the floor, he was able to support himself by reaching out to a bench that was handily placed on the street and to which he had just about managed to make it, crouching down beside it. He spent a few moments in this awkward position, trying to steady his balance and hoping that he could hold the contents of his stomach in (he wouldn't want to waste the morning's lovely pancakes). While he did so, in his mind thoughts started to appear of abandoning this journey with Ovidiu to the church. He could see why the more traditional church that they had just visited was an attractive option for some. Its grandeur was something to behold and helped remind you of your actual place in this world. The Bible scenes and other decorations were spectacular and by being there to take them (although admittedly his attention was more drawn by the aforementioned fingernail), Ben felt like he had offered up his respect to divinity and that he was now free to go about his daily business as he pleased. There was however something missing.

Ben reflected on an experience when he was student. A couple of weeks after his footballing exploits, he had got into a conversation with Alexandra before a lecture. She told him that that evening she was going with some people to a film night and invited Ben to come along. He hesitated to accept, not just because he wasn’t really a film buff, but also he lived a long way away from the university and he was nervous about meeting new people too. The lecture wasn’t a riveting one, something about Diels Alder reactions, and so he had plenty of time to reflect on Alexandra’s invitation as the professor waxed lyrical about Alkenes and the various bonds that they could form. Ben realised that he was a bit of a loose radical and that he needed some new connections, so at the end of the lecture, he approached Alexandra and said that he would come, even though he was hesitant and that it wasn’t all together convenient.

Once the final lecture of the day was over, Ben still had a three-hour wait until the time Alexandra had said people were meeting to go to the film night. He killed some time in the library, investigating various cyclohexenes, before heading off to Burger King for some dinner. Once finished, it was just the right time to go to the meeting point for the film. He had some nervousness in his stomach, but as he had said he would go, he felt that it was too late to pull out now. He arrived a few minutes early, but soon Alexandra, followed by some others, appeared.

They set off on a trek through a number of streets before arriving at their destination, a communal student digs, where Ben learned that a few of the members of the Christian Union lived. Ben entered but was already uncomfortable. There was a large living room area where they were to watch the film. Ben plonked himself down on the sofa and a number of others gathered around. A couple of American girls were alongside him and he had a brief chat. Inside of him though, a sense of not wanting to be there grew. It was hard to explain, but he just didn’t feel comfortable and often he developed headaches from such social gatherings. He learned that Star Wars was the film to be viewed. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back and he decided that he needed to find a way to leave. A few people said that they were popping out to get some snacks. Typically student-esc of them to realise that they hadn’t bought any popcorn after everyone had already gathered for the film, but Ben saw for himself an opportunity.

He volunteered to go with them but had no intention of returning with any salty delights. Instead, once out on the street, a conversation ensued among the couple of people he was with as to where they should go to get the snacks. Ben made his excuse though that he needed to go and left abruptly, heading for the nearest underground station in order to make his escape. Those with him were slightly baffled by his decision to leave but were also too caught up in their own snack buying dilemma to say too much. Thus, Ben easily fled and headed home.

Later on, though, reflecting on this incident, he started to feel bad. Alexandra had shown kindness to him, inviting him to this event and his response was to run away without even saying goodbye. He was sure that she would be angry and wouldn’t want to speak to him again. To Ben’s utter surprise though, they saw each other the very next day as they waited for the next instalment in the saga of organic molecule formation, and not only was Alexandra friendly, enquiring about how he was, but she didn’t even mention the erratic behaviour of the previous night.

Ben was shocked. He was used to people holding grudges indefinitely whenever you make a mistake or upset them, ignoring you or having a dig at you for many years to come, whereas Alexandra seemed to have forgotten it all overnight. How could she be so forgiving and understanding?

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay